Johnny Durham » Blog Archive » Famous last words

Hah, so my last blog (which I posted over 2 months ago) ended with this statement…

“So much has happened in the past couple of weeks; I wish I’d been blogging about it all. I’m going to try to get back into updating here a bit more often again I think :)”

Well, I failed miserably with that, didn’t I?! xD

It’s been so long since I’ve updated this thing that I doubt anyone will even still be here to read this post. That doesn’t really matter though. I want to write it just to put some thoughts out there in to the world, even if no one is reading them.

I know there’s still one month left of 2009 so it’s a little early to start getting all reflective about the year, but this has probably been the best year of my life so far.

- I’ve travelled to 3 different countries; Dublin (Ireland) in January to film some stuff with Apartment Red, Helsinki (Finland) in May to speak at a New Media conference, and New York (USA) in July with Jazza just for funsies. All three trips were so much fun!

- I moved in to a new apartment in October this year. I’ve lived away from home for a few years, but it’s always just been for University term times, and I knew I’d always be going back to my mum’s house during the holidays. This is the first time I’ve ever had my own place which is actually like a home, not just a room to stay in while I study. I mean, I’m only renting this apartment, but it’s still a huge step for me to have my own place. Also, I love this apartment so much :D

- ChartJackers has been a huge part of my life for the past 10 weeks. It’s impossible to explain just how many awesome experiences I’ve had working on that project. We had such a blast, and we managed to raise a whole lot of money for Children In Need. I’m really proud of what we achieved, and I’ve got some freaking great memories out of the experience too! Standing on stage at the Apollo in front of 4,500 screaming teenagers; crowdsurfing at a gig in Bricklane; walking down the red carpet at a film premiere; the list goes on and on…

- After years of wanting to start up my own business, I’ve finally done it with Johnny Durham Clothing. Of course, it’s in the early stages and it’s still a very modest business, but so far it’s been going really well, and over the next few months I really want to focus more on it and try to grow and make it more successful.

It can be pretty vulgar when people brag about their achievements, so I hope this blog isn’t coming off as being terribly self indulgent. It’s just, life has been pretty tough in the past and it’s nice to be able to recognise that things are finally going well for me. I’m genuinely shocked how full circle my life has gone in the past 12 months. This time last year I was suffering from a really bad social phobia. I was seeing a psychiatrist, taking medication to help with my anxiety. About 18-24 months ago things were so bad that I’d barely leave my own bedroom because I was so scared to be around other people.

That’s why I’m so proud of everything that’s happened this year. I’m still far from being the most confident person when I’m in social situations, but I can handle them quite comfortably now. The fact that I managed to walk out on stage in front of 4,500 people and frisbee glow sticks out into the crowd without having some sort of major panic attack amazes me. If you’d told me 18 months ago that I’d be doing that earlier this month, I would never have believed you.

All that being said, I still feel like I’ve got a long way to go before I’m happy with who I am. I want to care less about what other people think of me. I want to have more confidence in my own opinions. I want to be more decisive. Mostly though, I want to be more comfortable around other people. My insecurities are the biggest reason why I suck with relationships; both friendships and romantic ones. I want to be better at being a friend, and I’ve been single for waaay too long, so hopefully that will change sometime soon as well :)

Gosh, this blog post got a lot more personal than I thought it would, but hey, like I said at the beginning, I doubt anyone will actually still be reading this thing, haha!

If anyone has been reading this though, then HELLO! I hope you’re keeping well! :) x x x

It all sounds like a pretty amazing year to me, I would be lying if i said I was not jealous -especially of the New York trip!

What are your plans to top this year in 2010?

On two slightly unrelated notes, I am currently in a similar situation as you were 12 months ago and we both have the same wolf sweatshirt haha

hope you’re well! x

So, i’m not going to lie. I got REALLY excited when i saw that you had posted a blog.

I’m also really excited that you might (hopefully) make more shirts for your store. Christmas time is coming up, eh? ;)

I agree with Jacob, I got really exicted when I saw you posted, too! :)

That is AWESOME how far you’ve come Johnny! I’m super excited–I never would have guessed that you’d gone through that, you seem so confident and generally lovable [did that make me sound creepy? sorry!]

i hope things stay on the uphill climb! :)

You are more loved than you think Johnny. :)

That’s some really impressive achievement you got there. Good job and good luck! <3

Hello!
Good to hear you’re doing well, I am extremely jealous of your trip to New York; I was supposed to be going this coming spring but that fell through.
Oh well, also I’m very glad that you’ve had a good year.

Touching story. Had no idea you were so troubled before, Johnny! I recognize all the things that you said. I’ve been wrestling with those social issues too. And I still am sometimes. YouTube helps a great deal though :). The community there’s fantastic.

Hey Johnny.
You are so much more than you think you are.
And Abby’s right, you’re more loved than you think :)

Hope the next year is even more awesome for you.
X

Hi Johnny,

I always enjoy your blog precisely because it is personal. I feel like I’ve gotten to know you through this and I have to say I am full of admiration for you. You’re a lovely, genuine guy who deserves success because you have worked hard to be where you are. You should be proud of what you achieved and should never feel guilty about shouting about it from your blog - that’s what blogs are for :)

Anyway, I for one will keep following you and keep wishing you the best in all that you pursue, be that personal relationships or business ventures or just funsies.

Take Care,

maurice

I’m still reading!

It’s nice to hear about how far you’ve come. You have done so much this year. I’m really excited to reflect on 2009. It’s been a big year.

I realise it was a very personal blog, but I had no idea you had such fears of social situations. You seem so confident online.

Congratulations on ChartJackers the entire thing was great to follow.

I wish you so much sucess with your business. It’s so difficult but I’m sure you can do it.

this is quite the inspirational story. I never pegged you for someone with social anxiety. a bit shy maybe.

I wish you the best of luck in your new enterprise and in your coming plans.

Hi!
I think that it doesn’t count as bragging when you do it on your blog. Because it is YOUR blog, and you can do whatever you want with it, especially write about your achievements. It’s nice when you’ve finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Congratulations for such a wonderful year!

Im glad I never clean my rss feader because i would of missed this! My sister and I were highly upset we missed your trip to New York by one day. And you have way more bragging rights than you are claiming and you arnt even bragging. Your simply telling everyone what youve acomplished. Your not even gloating which initself is another accomplishment. I hope your next year is even better.

The part about your social phobia was really inspiring because I was going through something similar last year so I know how you must have been feeling.

I’m so happy for you and I hope you’ll have another fantastic 12 months! :)

You’re a lovely boy.

I’m really glad things are going well for you <3

Hello!

Congrats on a wonderful year Johnny. I hope next year is just as good if not better.

Yeah, insecurities sucks, I have the same problem. >.<

I think now with this post, we’re all very proud of you, Johnny. Great year, uh?
You seem to be such a great person, hope your next year is even better.

And less insecurities for us (:

Hey ! I’ll always read your blogs ! :) I think that’s amazing how far you’ve come congrats I’m so happy for you !!!

I have missed these updates. Who you described as who you want to be is who I’ve been wanting to be for some time now. I am so insecure it’s unbelievable.. and when it comes to relationships, I have yet to have one.
I’m happy you’re back.
Personally, I don’t think you need to be insecure. I think you’re pretty awesome. Anyways, yay being back.
<3

Been there, done that and got the t-shirt with the whole social anxiety thing. And I can empathise will all the things you think you still have to do before you’re happy with who you are.
Keep doing what you doing because lots of people love it <3

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! FINALLY A BLOG POST xD
i have missed getting inbox updates saying “johnny durham has posted a new blog”!

Last new years eve (2008) i was in tears because i was so scared about 2009. But this year and summer has been one of the best in my life! i’m loving my college course i chose xD and would never go back on the decision not to go to uni!

Woah, i had no idea you had such bad anxiety! i’m soooo happy you’re getting better xD for someone who has social anxiety and has just spent 10 weeks working so closely with your 3 friends to help others to me is AMAZING!

http://www.youtube.com/griffybabyyyy

oh ps. you should totally come to the dublin gathering tomorrow xP

Hey, I might be a day behind but I do still check this because it’s always lovely to hear your thoughts!

When I met you, both at SitC and the other week when I spent the day with you ChartJackers I would never have imagined that you ever had difficulty in social situations. I’m so glad you feel more comfortable now and that the last year has been so amazing for you!

*huggles*

I read it!
I love you, Johnny. :D

Aww I’m so happy for you! Unfortunately I can empathise with the social phobia 100%. Like the others said, I would’ve never picked it as you’ve always seemed like a pretty confident guy. But the fact that you’ve overcome this & had such an awesome year is very admirable. I wouldn’t say that I’m at the same stage that you are now, but I’m getting there :) but yes, I’ve missed your blog! Good luck with everything, hope 2010 is even better!
x

So This Is Pretty Much Gonna Say Te Same As Eerybody Elses But Oh Well!! Congrats On A Fantasic Year! I, Like Every1 Else, Would Never Have Had You Down As Some1 Who Struggled In Social Situations! So Glad Your Feeling Better About Everything Now!!

And Yey Your Writing Your Blog Again!! *Dances*

I’m single… LOL…

Oh Johnny :)
Glad you’re back.

This post really made me smile.. It’s really nice to hear you reflect on how far you have come and you really HAVE acheived a great deal. You are a great role model with all the things you have done and you should be so so proud :) I hope that your next year is even better, because you deserve it Johnny :) <3

RSS feed for comments on this post.