Johnny Durham » Blog Archive » Anonymity is nice

I wrote this following post on April 1st, and it’s been sitting as a draft in my wordpress account ever since. I’m not sure why I never posted it back then, but I’m going to post it now. So here you go…

existence_hope

I signed up for a tumblr account last night.

I decided it would be nice to have a place where I can just be totally honest, and say whatever I like without worrying what people will think. It’s not that I can’t be honest in this blog, or on twitter, or in my youtube videos, but sometimes I feel like I have to censor certain things I say, or hold back from saying something I want to, because I feel like it’s too personal to share with the hundreds/thousands of people who might see it.

When I first signed up to youtube and started making videos, I liked the fact that I could be completely myself. Nobody had any expectations of me, because no one knew me. It’s rare to have that feeling, because out there in the “real world” you always have people around you who expect you to be a certain way. Family, friends, teachers, classmates, work colleagues, and so on. You feel pressure to conform to social norms, or popular opinions of how people should think and act. Then you come on to youtube, and nobody knows who you are, or what you’re like, so you can completely be yourself. There’s no one pressuring you to conform.

Then I started getting lots of subscribers, and making friends on the site, which is obviously awesome, and I love the fact youtube has given me this huge audience to share my thoughts with, but at the same time it means I’m back in that place where I feel people have certain expectations of me.

That’s why I thought I would set up this tumblr account. It’s just going to be for me. I’m never going to link to it on any of my existing online profiles. I’ve chosen an obscure name for the account — not just johnnydurham19 or johnnydurham or pumpkinsplat or something people would recognise as me. So now I can just post whatever I like, and not worry about people reading it, because no one knows about it.

You might ask why even bother setting it up if I’m not going to tell nobody about it? Why not just keep a personal diary?

Firstly, because I found this awesome tumblr design which I really wanted to use xD

Secondly, I think some of the things I’ll be writing about might be really interesting to read even though the tumblr is anonymous. If some random person stumbled upon it, they might find it interesting, even though they’d have no clue who was writing it.

Finally, I might occasionally link a close friend to a post I make there if I want to share something with them :)

To be honest, I’ve mainly just used the tumblr account to post random pictures that I like and want to catalogue, so I guess there’s no real reason to keep it a secret anymore… but at the same time, I still like having my own little private place on the internet, so I’m not going to link to it just yet ^_^

Johnny <3

You basically described everything that I have been feeling for awhile. Social conformity- Your comfortable being the person you have morphed into around people, but when you’re alone you know deep down that a part of you is a little bit different than how they see you…

awk baby! *big hugs*
You can kinda tell you’d been feeling like that with the lack of video’s [which isn't a bad thing BTW, don't think i'm shouting at you to make more video's :)] i’m sure you have inspiration for video’s, but you feel that they “aren’t up to standard”, or “are too long”, or “it’s a vlog, not a mean”
I think you shouldn’t be afraid to be yourself on youtube :) it’s good you have a nice private place to put personal things, but you shouldn’t worry what the subscribers think, you should make the videos you want to make and if people don’t like it and leave comments, or unsubscribe, then they shouldn’t matter to you! :)

Take Chris Crocker for example, i loved him when he was making funny video’s of him making a tit out of himself, but then when he started just screaming at the camera, and he started to annoy me so i unsubscribed; but he doesn’t care that people unsubscribe because he is being himself, not a comedian
[that's kinda a bad example coz in the example i unsubscribed.LMAO. But you're cooler than Chris Crocker so i won't unsubscribe ^^]

(why do i always leave such LONG comments?!)

anyway lessthanthree
and be yourself :)

griffybabyyyy xo <3
http://www.twitter.com/griffybabyyyy
http://www.youtube.com/griffybabyyyy

you’re a tease. lol just kidding I feel the same way about my tumblr

way to end it with me going “yay, i get to stalk him mo- ..oh, he’s NOT giving us the link”
and i mean stalk in a very non-stalkish way. like follow but a lot more personal cause i read your blogs/twitters/videos ..and yea

I think it’s nice that you have your own private blog that no one can read.
I’ve had one going under an obscure name since 2005, and I only linked it to a few people since I created it.
It’s a nice feeling to be able to say anything you want in a blog post that you know not many people will read.

I really hope that you don’t feel the need to censor yourself too much in future videos.

It’s the same with my Twitter, my blog and my YT for me. The few followers/readers I have on those have found my account by coincidence, and decided to stay. No one I know IRL knows that they’re there.
It’s my own little bubble to dream, write, experiment - and say just what comes to my mind.
I can definitely see why you appreciate that, especially with the many followers that you have. Heck, I’m one of them.

- Lilly

I think it’s nice for you to have a private place on the internet. It must be hard, having so many ways for complete strangers to contact you - I know I’d find that quite overwhelming.

Oh, and that picture totally reminded me of this lovely website, I think you’ll really like it –> http://www.givesmehope.com/

Awesome! im addicted to tumblr, and yeah, i use mine for around the same thing. i post my own photography when i get a new session in, and then really inspiring other words and photos, so i’m motivated to keep taking pictures!

I completely agree with your choice. Anonymity is the best friend one can have with regards to our most intimate thoughts, desires and experiences. All the best to this personal project of yours. Too, I think you’ll grow found of it - I write an anonymous column and its totally freeing. Best of luck, Johnny!

Awh, I understand the way you’re looking at the world. I stumbled on your tumblr when I signed up myself, I think it’s extremely sweet. Everyone needs a bit of space away from public scrutiny.

Interesting!

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