Hah, so my last blog (which I posted over 2 months ago) ended with this statement…
“So much has happened in the past couple of weeks; I wish I’d been blogging about it all. I’m going to try to get back into updating here a bit more often again I think :)”
Well, I failed miserably with that, didn’t I?! xD
It’s been so long since I’ve updated this thing that I doubt anyone will even still be here to read this post. That doesn’t really matter though. I want to write it just to put some thoughts out there in to the world, even if no one is reading them.
I know there’s still one month left of 2009 so it’s a little early to start getting all reflective about the year, but this has probably been the best year of my life so far.
- I’ve travelled to 3 different countries; Dublin (Ireland) in January to film some stuff with Apartment Red, Helsinki (Finland) in May to speak at a New Media conference, and New York (USA) in July with Jazza just for funsies. All three trips were so much fun!
- I moved in to a new apartment in October this year. I’ve lived away from home for a few years, but it’s always just been for University term times, and I knew I’d always be going back to my mum’s house during the holidays. This is the first time I’ve ever had my own place which is actually like a home, not just a room to stay in while I study. I mean, I’m only renting this apartment, but it’s still a huge step for me to have my own place. Also, I love this apartment so much :D
- ChartJackers has been a huge part of my life for the past 10 weeks. It’s impossible to explain just how many awesome experiences I’ve had working on that project. We had such a blast, and we managed to raise a whole lot of money for Children In Need. I’m really proud of what we achieved, and I’ve got some freaking great memories out of the experience too! Standing on stage at the Apollo in front of 4,500 screaming teenagers; crowdsurfing at a gig in Bricklane; walking down the red carpet at a film premiere; the list goes on and on…
- After years of wanting to start up my own business, I’ve finally done it with Johnny Durham Clothing. Of course, it’s in the early stages and it’s still a very modest business, but so far it’s been going really well, and over the next few months I really want to focus more on it and try to grow and make it more successful.
It can be pretty vulgar when people brag about their achievements, so I hope this blog isn’t coming off as being terribly self indulgent. It’s just, life has been pretty tough in the past and it’s nice to be able to recognise that things are finally going well for me. I’m genuinely shocked how full circle my life has gone in the past 12 months. This time last year I was suffering from a really bad social phobia. I was seeing a psychiatrist, taking medication to help with my anxiety. About 18-24 months ago things were so bad that I’d barely leave my own bedroom because I was so scared to be around other people.
That’s why I’m so proud of everything that’s happened this year. I’m still far from being the most confident person when I’m in social situations, but I can handle them quite comfortably now. The fact that I managed to walk out on stage in front of 4,500 people and frisbee glow sticks out into the crowd without having some sort of major panic attack amazes me. If you’d told me 18 months ago that I’d be doing that earlier this month, I would never have believed you.
All that being said, I still feel like I’ve got a long way to go before I’m happy with who I am. I want to care less about what other people think of me. I want to have more confidence in my own opinions. I want to be more decisive. Mostly though, I want to be more comfortable around other people. My insecurities are the biggest reason why I suck with relationships; both friendships and romantic ones. I want to be better at being a friend, and I’ve been single for waaay too long, so hopefully that will change sometime soon as well :)
Gosh, this blog post got a lot more personal than I thought it would, but hey, like I said at the beginning, I doubt anyone will actually still be reading this thing, haha!
If anyone has been reading this though, then HELLO! I hope you’re keeping well! :) x x x